PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them.)
I had to look up paraprosdokian. "A paraprosdokian sentence consists of two
parts where the first is a figure of speech and the second an intriguing
variation of the first figure of speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently used for humorous
effect." e.g., "Where there's a will, I want to be in it."
Here we go.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of
emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman. (This one sounds like a
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
There is no exercise better for the heart
than reaching down and lifting people up.
– John Andrew Holmes Jr
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